I have been
thinking a lot lately about factors that get in the way of people creating their new beginnings. I have come to realized
that most people know exactly what they need to do to get to their new beginning. You know the pros and
cons, how long it will take you to get to where you need to be in life and you
might even have a lot of insight into what is hindering you from achieving your
new beginning. I can also guess that
you have spent a lot of time thinking about your new beginning. However, although you hold the above mentioned
information, your life situation does not seem to change for the better. You
might be asking yourself and others “why I can’t just change” or “why it is so
hard to follow through with what I know is right.” You are constantly
experiencing “stuckness” and you might be perplexed by this phenomenon. Below
are tools to help you move from you sense of “stuckness” to experience the new beginning you desire and deserve:
“Why” versus “What” questions
In order for
any change to occur, you need to develop insight into yourself. Being able to
identify patterns and flawed thinking early on in your journey to create your new beginning is crucial. To start, you
will have to avoid “why” questions at all cost! It’s so easy to get stuck when
you ask yourself over and over, “why am I stuck” or “why can’t I just do what I
need to do” etc. What you will probably get is a list of obstacles and more “evidence” that you are stuck. So one
might ask, if the “why” questions are to be avoided, how do you get information
regarding what you need to do to move forward? As indicated above, “why” questions give you
supporting evidence for your “stuckness,” they do not lead you to identify the
issue at hand or help you do anything differently. However, when you substitute the word “why” to
“what” when you are trying to get insight, you get a lot more useful
information. Asking questions, like “What is getting in the way of me working
on my personal and professional goals?” “What do I need to do now?,” and “What
do I need to do next?” allow you to brainstorm next steps around what you need
to do to carry out your goals.
Fear
A major
obstacle people face in creating their new
beginning is fear. I am not trying
to minimize this natural reaction to change.
I understand that in order to create your new beginning; you might have to change a lot of things in your
life. This can be very difficult and a scary thing for you…..for most of us. In addition, your past experience with change
might negatively influence your ability to strategize effectively about your
next step to achieve your new beginning.
The good news is that there are more adaptive ways for you to deal with the
feeling of fear when it arises. Oprah
Winfrey once stated “the thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is
what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free.” I would also add that facing fears can give
you new information, dispel misconceptions and help you identify your strength
and most importantly, help you develop resilience. With that being said, fear is something you
should want to explore more frequently, the worst that could happen is that you
discover that what you had in mind was not meant for you. It is this type of flexibility in your thinking
that will allow you to identify other achievable goals and/ or options….that’s
right options!
Faith
In order to
achieve any new beginning, you have
to have faith. The Merriam- Webster Dictionary defines faith as “a complete
trust in someone or something.” I am not
alluding to or suggesting magical thinking here. I am suggesting that you have
to be completely enthralled with the new
beginning you are trying to create for yourself. Faith has many components.
First, faith is living your life with a purpose. You have to be intentional
about everything you do when you are working towards your goals. You also need
to believe that you will achieve them. Secondly,
faith will allow you to “live as if” your new
beginning has already happened. One of the best things you can do for
yourself as you embark on creating your new
beginning is to get into the feelings of love, great health, peace and success.
Go about your day visualizing that what you desire already exists. Positive affirmations
(such as “I am doing the best I can,” “I may not be getting the end result I
want at the moment, but I am learning the process,” “I deserve to be happy”
etc) are tools that can be used to help you focus and keep on track. Thirdly, faith will allow you to have some flexibility
in your thinking even if you have to deal with some initial challenges. Flexibility
allows you to accept your mistake or miscalculation as such and to see these as
lessons learned on your quest to achieve your goals. Fourthly, faith calls you
to let get go of your baggage, freeing yourself of past failures and hurt that often
weighs down on you. You do not want this weight when you are moving onward and
upward! In fact, faith will allow you to adopt an attitude of gratitude. Being
thankful for what you have and the good to come.
Support System
It is a
given that although you might be doing the best you can to create your new beginning, life happens. There will
be a lot of things that will come your way that you will not foresee. Some will
have damaging effects on you as you go about creating your new beginning. For this reason, it is absolutely necessary for you to
have a support system in place. Enrolling someone who truly wants you to be
successful and who will not let you give up on your dream when you want to is very
important. I know it is not always easy to put yourself out there but as
discussed above, you learn a lot more when you face your fears than when you
avoid them. Reach out to someone who has experienced what you are going through
or who knows a lot about your particular situation. Request their help in getting
you through your tough time. The response you might get just by putting
yourself out there may surprise you, but sometimes a certain opportunity will
present itself and you wouldn't even know until you ask. A good thing to remember is if you are
continuously employing the above mentioned points, you will be back on your
feet again in no time and you may not necessarily need a lot of support once
you are back on track.
In closing,
“stuckness” is something everyone deals with at some point in life. However, in
order to change your situation, create your new
beginning, you have to do something
different. This might mean changing your
perspective, having more faith in yourself and/or being open to supports. With
these tools in place, you will feel more empowered to own your new beginning and start living your best
life yet.
